Once Upon These Days

On Success

Despite the fact that my teachers told me I looked sad, yesterday was a fabulicious day for me. I was on day one of a new friendship with one of my girl-crushes, I was almost done AP gov, I downloaded google chrome, my room was clean…

Oh. And I was voted “Senior Most Likely to Succeed.”

I was sort of shocked when I found that out, especially because I didn’t bribe my friends to vote for me for that (I did, however, force them to say I was “Funniest” and that I had the best personality- jokingly, of course). I was flattered, of course, but sort of confused. I didn’t (and still don’t) think there’s any part of me that is destined for greatness (In fact, I’ll probably go to college, get my MBA, settle into a mid-level business position, and have a family and that would make me quite happy indeed). I have dreams, of course, but I’ve never been one of those gung-ho “go chase your dreams or you’re wasting everyone’s time and stealing valuable oxygen” types.

So today I was driving home and contemplating this award (which I still don’t feel that I deserve) and I realized how confused I actually was. In my four years of high school, I’ve: been rejected to SNHS and 4 (FOUR!!!) colleges, lost the election for Student Council Treasurer, been more awkward and alone than you could ever imagine (at certain times), received more failing grades than I could possibly count (most of them in English, although I did have that notable 32% on my polyatomic ions quiz in chem…), never been Student of the Month (which actually has made me cry more than I’d like to admit and was a factor in the dissolution of a friendship), realized that I’m apparently unhirable, been discovered as an ultimate creeper and soured a few relationships (platonic and otherwise) because of it, and struggled all along the way with shoddy focusing skills

Not to fall into cliches, but I suppose thinking about all of my shortcomings made me realize how likely to succeed I actually am. Success isn’t about being perfect all of the time - it’s about getting some things right and using the many, many things you got wrong as learning experiences for the future. I hate when I write and end on a preachy note (as I so frequently do here), but this wasn’t one of those experiences where I think and then, after reflection, I come to a moral conclusion. No, this one hit me in real time as I was driving home at 10:50ish on the Bypass, which is probably why I find it so notable, but seriously - Life isn’t about being perfect 100% of the time and success isn’t being the absolute best at everything (or even one thing, for that matter). Those who win are those who do okay at most things and somehow make themselves (and other people) happier for it along the way.

That’s what I want to do in life - make people happy. If that’s what success is to me - hell, I’ll take it.

New Year, New Kaitlin

Since the start of a new school year always seems like more of a “new year” than the shift of lunar phases and Julian cycles, I’m doing my New Year’s Resolutions now. And it’s kind of weird, because I don’t even believe in New Year’s Resolutions (if you want to change yourself, do it now— why wait?), but I think these are little, attainable, realistic goals.

1.) Stop letting the little stuff get me down. When I accidentally drop my locker key in the toilet, don’t take out my frustration out on everyone around me.

2.) Create meaningful, deep, and lasting relationships with everyone I sort of know and sort of don’t know.

3.) Prioritize— work now, play later. It will save me anxiety and lead to fewer grey hairs and nervous sweats/clammy hands.

4.) Remember that I’m getting older and whether I act like it or not, people will treat me like an adult. Dress, behave, and speak appropriately.

5.) Also remember that I’m not even 17 yet. I still have a loooong life ahead of me. I have plenty of time to be serious later. Be a teenager now, albeit a cool, collected one.

6.) Clean out all the clutter from my life— detrimental friends, excess loungewear, songs on iTunes I’ve never listened to in 4 years of having them…

7.) Take time to reflect. I once read that reflecting is really good for humans, and I agree. I want/need to take the time to really know myself before I get swept up in the world and everyone else’s problems.

I’ll stop there. If seven’s a good enough number for Voldemort, it’s good enough for me.

Dear Ms. Prynne…

I have 60 pages left in The Scarlet Letter. Right now, Nathaniel Hawthorne isn’t my friend, but I am getting something out of the book. Proof:

Dear Ms. Hester Prynne,

    You’re a tricky lady. You did something awfully terrible, but your husband seems weird and creepy anyway.

    I’m sure your daughter is lovely. She sounds like a Puritan version of Suri Cruise. It’s kind of unforgiveable that you thought your infant was a demon, but I don’t think you were mentally healthy back then.

    I really feel for you, though. You made a mistake and everyone hated you for it, but you held your head up high and moved on with your life. That’s admirable. I wish it wasn’t so hard for me to admit my mistakes and move on with my life.

    Also, I’m super sorry that the Puritans inflicted their meanness on your society. Looking back, we all know that Winthrop and his buddies had sticks up their respective butts and that they were jerks (I almost put a bad word there).

    It’s so nice of you to help people every way you can. You’re so modest, though. Don’t be afraid to reward yourself every now and then- but not with any steamy affairs.

    Okay, bye.

    Love,

    Kaitlin

Herbavore

I just kind of decided that I want to try vegetarianism.

Okay, so I didn’t just decide. It’s always been something I wanted to try. I’ve always had a certain respect for people who choose to be vegetarian, and I’ve heard so many good things about people reducing their environmental impact, improving their health, and beating the doubts of everyone around them.

Mostly, I’m venturing into vegetarianism to a.) prove to myself I can do it and b.) give me something to blog about.

Actually, I’m not sure how this is going to work. I don’t really eat vegetables (I sometimes swallow them whole so I don’t have to taste their awfulness) and I could literally live off of starches if fitting into my clothes weren’t a concern. I come from a family of carnivores who won’t be too concerned with accomodating my meat-free lifestyle. I don’t have the gung-ho ‘save the environment and animals’ mentality that some vegetarians do— I once went to a farm and saw a chicken being slaughtered for food and it didn’t bother me in the slightest. What I do have, though, is the willingness to face my challenge head on and win.

Oh, and I’m beginning this experience on the 19th/20th. I’ll be at camp the week before that and I don’t think spending long, grueling days in the sun is any way to begin my meat-free experience. Ideally, I’d last until the end of September and we’ll see how it’s going from there.

Also, Clam Chowder is my FAVORITE food ever, so I’m going to resolve myself to pescetarianism, meaning I will be eating fish and seafood, but otherwise following a vegetarian diet. Also, Mary Tyler Moore, Harvey Levin, and Steve Jobs are/were pescetarians, so I’m joining a hot club here.

Okay, wish me luck! But not yet. On the 19th. :)

Sometimes

Sometimes I take a step back and look at my life and realize that I’ve got it made. I live in a wonderful home, my family is totally functional and affectionate (and I really should be annoyed with them a lot less), I have friends that mean the world to me and genuinely care about me, and haters that keep themselves mostly at bay (I think I mashed up the cliche there, but I hope you know what I mean). I have a lovely mind, if I do say so myself, a meticulous eye for detail, and a zeal for life.

I think I have it made, and I feel guilty about not always being grateful for the wonderful life I lead. So thank you, to anyone and everything that’s made me who I am today.

Your efforts are not going unnoticed.

Happy?

I have a confession: sometimes, I have these moments and moods that make me disgusted with the person I’ve become. I don’t think I could adequately explain what I mean without you being in my head, and as that’s kind of impossible, I’ll settle for making my point, albeit insufficiently.

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